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knights_say_nihScript;
Mrs Malaprop- talks too much for her own good
Mrs Bracknell- Powerful, commanding and sarcastic
Mrs Tuffet- A weaker woman with good sense who can’t quite express herself and has a son.
A room. Teatime, or thereabouts.
M- And as I was saying…
B- Well…. do you know, the strangest thing happened yesterday afternoon? I had just had my lunch when I received the most undignified visitor.
T- Wha…. Wha… what sort of visitor was that?
B- A young man, a most unbecoming fellow, shirt tails out, tie askew, with a Mohawk and one of those funny nose piercings.
M- Oh yes, those are more and more common. You can hardly pomegranate down Nicholas to the shopping mall without being a custard by people asking for money. It’s positively indecisive.
T- Well, that is near the Mission, you know.
M- Irregardless
B- This young man had come in view, would you imagine, of picking Jennifer up for a date. I soon sent him packing, I’ll have you know. One does not come into my house without… perhaps I should purchase one of those ‘No shoes, no shirt, no service’ signs.
T- Service? What sort of…
M- Dear me, don’t be vulture. What was he doing, or rather, what was your daughter doing dating someone like him?
B- One can only imagine. The spirit quails. I caught the girl slipping out later that evening, too. Imagine, her, trying to clamber out her window and over the garage roof.
T- How unladylike
M- Downright deflating
Pause.
T- Degrading, dear.
M- Yes, quite.
B- In any matter, I had a little chat with Jennifer, this not being the first time this has happened, you realize, and there will be consequences. She must learn a little … *pause, searches for words*
M- Se…
T- Hush, dear.
B-A little ladylike selectivity.
M- *disappointed* Quite.
B- To take after her mother.
T- Suitable young men…
M- …are quite hard to find, yes I know. I too had a rather hasty experience with a young fellow. I blame television. ‘Pimple my ride’ and ‘The OD’ and all these shows young people watch with these stars running around with not enough clothing on.
T- Well, truly, the media in part…
B- You’re right. It’s quite to blame. I’ve uninstalled the thing.
M- Well, I couldn’t bear that. Jeopardy being what it is.
B- You were going to tell us about the young man dear, remember?
M- Oh yes, of course. Well, this boy, Jonathan, I think it was, came over for dinner one evening and you’ll never guess what he had.
Pause.
T- …what did he have?
M- A beard! And him, only just starting university. It’s downright preteen-tious.
T- Well, my son…
B- I beg your pardon, I didn’t know you had a boy.
T- Terry is seventeen and attending the local high school yes.
M- Oh, we---
T- He’s a fine young man, well brought up, if I do say so myself, and if any mother were to phone me to inquire about his character I would happily advise them to let their daughters see him. Good day.
T exits.
M & B left to stare at each other.
End scene.
Mrs Malaprop- talks too much for her own good
Mrs Bracknell- Powerful, commanding and sarcastic
Mrs Tuffet- A weaker woman with good sense who can’t quite express herself and has a son.
A room. Teatime, or thereabouts.
M- And as I was saying…
B- Well…. do you know, the strangest thing happened yesterday afternoon? I had just had my lunch when I received the most undignified visitor.
T- Wha…. Wha… what sort of visitor was that?
B- A young man, a most unbecoming fellow, shirt tails out, tie askew, with a Mohawk and one of those funny nose piercings.
M- Oh yes, those are more and more common. You can hardly pomegranate down Nicholas to the shopping mall without being a custard by people asking for money. It’s positively indecisive.
T- Well, that is near the Mission, you know.
M- Irregardless
B- This young man had come in view, would you imagine, of picking Jennifer up for a date. I soon sent him packing, I’ll have you know. One does not come into my house without… perhaps I should purchase one of those ‘No shoes, no shirt, no service’ signs.
T- Service? What sort of…
M- Dear me, don’t be vulture. What was he doing, or rather, what was your daughter doing dating someone like him?
B- One can only imagine. The spirit quails. I caught the girl slipping out later that evening, too. Imagine, her, trying to clamber out her window and over the garage roof.
T- How unladylike
M- Downright deflating
Pause.
T- Degrading, dear.
M- Yes, quite.
B- In any matter, I had a little chat with Jennifer, this not being the first time this has happened, you realize, and there will be consequences. She must learn a little … *pause, searches for words*
M- Se…
T- Hush, dear.
B-A little ladylike selectivity.
M- *disappointed* Quite.
B- To take after her mother.
T- Suitable young men…
M- …are quite hard to find, yes I know. I too had a rather hasty experience with a young fellow. I blame television. ‘Pimple my ride’ and ‘The OD’ and all these shows young people watch with these stars running around with not enough clothing on.
T- Well, truly, the media in part…
B- You’re right. It’s quite to blame. I’ve uninstalled the thing.
M- Well, I couldn’t bear that. Jeopardy being what it is.
B- You were going to tell us about the young man dear, remember?
M- Oh yes, of course. Well, this boy, Jonathan, I think it was, came over for dinner one evening and you’ll never guess what he had.
Pause.
T- …what did he have?
M- A beard! And him, only just starting university. It’s downright preteen-tious.
T- Well, my son…
B- I beg your pardon, I didn’t know you had a boy.
T- Terry is seventeen and attending the local high school yes.
M- Oh, we---
T- He’s a fine young man, well brought up, if I do say so myself, and if any mother were to phone me to inquire about his character I would happily advise them to let their daughters see him. Good day.
T exits.
M & B left to stare at each other.
End scene.
